When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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