Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
