the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
