We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
