I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
