so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
