that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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