Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
