Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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