Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
