Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
