don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
