Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
