I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
