This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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