so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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