Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
