If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
