Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Randomize
