You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
