I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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