Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
