I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
