He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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