I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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