party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
