Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
