I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
how does that bad decision feel?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
