we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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