i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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