He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
