remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
