Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
