he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
