It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
