I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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