i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
