i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
