omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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