"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
