Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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