Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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