hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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