Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
