Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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