I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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