im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
