I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
