My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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