i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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