he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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