I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
