She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
