ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
