i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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