Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
