he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
