You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
