So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
